GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
