While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
