The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
