You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
