got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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