He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
