Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
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Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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