he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
