My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
