my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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