Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
