how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
