Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
