i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
