I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
