The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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