bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
