It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
