I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
