I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
