He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
