I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
