I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
how drunk are you?
Several
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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