and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
