so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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