Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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