She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
