no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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