well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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