a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
