I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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