Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
