dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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