Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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