I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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