Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word