So drunk its hurt
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
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she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches