please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
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what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
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I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right