I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.