oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize