plz talk dirty to me
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
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We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
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Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.