Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.

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  (703): just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator. http://tfl.nu/c4j4
  Replies (26) Good night (635) Bad night (6791)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.

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  (551): 1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one. http://tfl.nu/vtrz
  Replies (51) Good night (6065) Bad night (730)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.

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  (856): just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better. http://tfl.nu/p7cf
  Replies (28) Good night (7947) Bad night (789)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons

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  (813): she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons http://tfl.nu/lk3m
  Replies (37) Good night (720) Bad night (4788)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  wow, a mother in the making

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  (217): if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test (1-217): wow, a mother in the making http://tfl.nu/2c41
  Replies (45) Good night (1674) Bad night (5644)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.

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  (734): The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car. http://tfl.nu/l3cg
  Replies (9) Good night (1492) Bad night (4788)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same

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  (630): we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same http://tfl.nu/ozek
  Replies (40) Good night (2313) Bad night (6879)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.

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  (814): well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there. http://tfl.nu/ct1u
  Replies (4) Good night (801) Bad night (2128)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...

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  (952): nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough... http://tfl.nu/8n56
  Replies (6) Good night (866) Bad night (2477)
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  (852): View more from

  I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..

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  (852): I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again.. http://tfl.nu/4a3e
  Replies (4) Good night (368) Bad night (999)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.

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  (217): Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day. http://tfl.nu/dztj
  Replies (3) Good night (940) Bad night (908)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.

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  (860): TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell. http://tfl.nu/0dz9
  Replies (2) Good night (639) Bad night (273)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out

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  (717): Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out http://tfl.nu/4ixo
  Replies (2) Good night (498) Bad night (202)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.

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  (206): I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night. http://tfl.nu/ej36
  Replies (1) Good night (571) Bad night (231)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot

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  (207): he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot http://tfl.nu/t6zb
  Replies (2) Good night (212) Bad night (569)

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