I got chris browned last night
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.