Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
