we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
