Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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