Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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