He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
