Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
