Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
