fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
