i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
