Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
