i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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