Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
