Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
