You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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