It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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