every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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