I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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