You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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