I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
