i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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