My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
