Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
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I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
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woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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