I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
