When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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