If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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