you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
