I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
