Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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