I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
