I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
