Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
