his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
