guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
