Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
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This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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