Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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