i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
