I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
